"Bravo!"
I really enjoy sneezing. I must admit I'd rater do it in private so I can let loose with no concern for the consequences, such as furniture and clothing. I'm not talking about the vowel-less little "snt" sneeze that cats do; I'm talking the kind of sneeze that scares children and animals, the kind of sneeze that causes you to hit you head on a nearby counter top, ahh, what a rush. Don't read this and pretend you don't enjoy sneezing just as much. Have you ever been interrupted when you were on the verge of a good one? Remember that secret rage you felt? How about when you do get a good one out and no one acknowledges it. Remember the resentment? Which brings me to the whole "bless you" thing. I know there are tons of explanations for why this phrase is used. It has become one of those social norms that kinda stuck. It's like that tattoo you got when you were younger and drunk, seemed cool at the time, now it make no sense, seems awkward when you have to explain it to your kids and it is hard or impossible to remove.
"Why say bless you daddy? Well that's easy honey, so I don't die from the plague and so Satan dose'nt steal my escaped soul." I think that since sneezing is so enjoyable and it's not an easy thing to do on command we should recognize the accomplishment with a hearty
"GOOD JOB!"
So that's it. Say good job for a good sneeze. I've already started and it is getting great results. Now, if the number of abducted souls starts to rise we may need to switch back to "bless you."
Soft Rock?
Oxymorons can be fun.
1.
Poprocks - Have you listened to pop music? It's does everything but rock.
2.
Almond Joy - When I think about the joy that is the almond, I don't think about
two almonds atop a candy bar;I think about two fists full of
almonds from a JUG-O-Almonds ala Costco.
3.
Baby Ruth - I don't think you can legally change your name to Ruth until you
reach retirement age.
That's just a few maybe you can come up with some more.
NKOTB.
I always anticipated that keeping a blog for friends, family and freaks looking for freak things on the Internet, to read would put a little pressure on me to create witty and insightful blogs. I was right. I find myself trying to be too funny, much like when I use to hang out with funny friends, who left me for Hollywood. Some of those guys know what I’m talking about. When you hang around funny people everyone wants to be funny. It not something you can really control it just happens, kind of like when your accent kicks in when you are on the phone with people back home. So I apologize in advance if my post are a bit... awkward, like the new kid at school who tries to hard. Here is an example of what I am taking about.
Twisted Knowledge
Once upon a time I stubbed my under the bedroom door; the room was dark. Of course, I began to cures and yell at the door. After all, it was the doors fault. I threaten to have the door ‘taken care of.’ I think I may have even asked the door why it was so stupid. Then I had a moment of clarity and realized the old saying is true: the house always wins.
Elections...That reminds me...
Well not only is today the anniversary of George Washington being unanimously elected the first president of the United States by all 69 presidential electors who cast their votes back in 1789, but its also my birthday. I know what your thinking; it must be awful to have your birthday fall on the same day we elected our first commander in chief. I mean all the combination gifts, it gets old after a while. I know, its the thought that counts, but what's more important, democracy or my birthday?
Now, to all of those who are reading this blog you have no reason to forget my birthday. You can simply remember it by associating the party you are throwing for democracy with my birthday. See it's all about marketing. I can just leech off of the success of Democracy Day to promote my day. So next year remember Krispy Kreme makes a nice gift.
